I'm not sure that I will even be able to put down in writing how I'm feeling right now.
I've had my concerns regarding my daughter and today I called my mother-in-law and she told me that my daughter is throwing up a lot and sufferes from stomache aches a lot. I've come to notice this too and she also told me of a lot of other things she had seen and that along with everything that my soon to be ex-husband did to me over the past 9 years made me contact the authorities dealing with children and I've now made a formal complaint regarding the father of my children. I was shaking and crying through out the entire conversation but hopefully he'll get some help to deal with his issues and I can possibly get someone to help my daughter.
This past Friday I also found out that he's seing someone new and today I found out that he's been seeing her for more than 3 weeks now. I'm glad to be rid of him so why does it hurt to find out that he has someone new in his life? I would never ever take him back! But still it hurt.
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
29 July 2008
26 May 2008
Apartment sorted.
I got a call this past Friday about the apartment and it’s mine. It felt like a huge load had been lifted from my shoulders and we’re now moving in about 2-3 weeks. My dad called and offered me his kitchen table, couch and two chairs along with his desk, my mom had been looking for an excuse to buy a new TV so I’m getting her old TV and she is also going to buy something to place it on. A friend has a couple of beds that he needs to get rid of and I’m getting one for myself – everything is more or less taken care of.
But like I wrote to a friend of mine today, all this stress has started to affect my short term memory. I can make plans with someone and then forget what we talked about only an hour or so later. A few days ago I was driving down the freeway like I have done so many times and I missed my exit. I had to keep on driving for more than 30 kilometers before I could find somewhere to get off and to turn back. On top of that I was running out of gas and I didn’t even know if I was going to make it to the next gas station. Luckily I did and we got home safe and sound but an hour later than we were supposed to.
I’ve had the best help I can get from friends and family but I still feel so alone and vulnerable. I don’t know when I’ve slept for more than a few hours at the time at night. The other night I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I worry about my children and how am I going to be able to take care of them as a single parent. Anyone who knows my daughter can vouch for me when I say that I have a wonderful daughter but she does have a temper like nothing you’ve ever seen before. My son is more delicate. He’s emotional and he is beginning to withdraw himself from everyone. Emma on the other hand couldn’t care less of what is going on but she’s not even 4 so she doesn’t understand but Eric is 7 and he does understand a lot more.
Last night both of my children fell asleep on the couch so we all slept there that night. My back was sore when I woke up but my children really needed to be close to a parent that night so I decided not to take them back to their beds as soon as they had fallen asleep next to me.
But like I wrote to a friend of mine today, all this stress has started to affect my short term memory. I can make plans with someone and then forget what we talked about only an hour or so later. A few days ago I was driving down the freeway like I have done so many times and I missed my exit. I had to keep on driving for more than 30 kilometers before I could find somewhere to get off and to turn back. On top of that I was running out of gas and I didn’t even know if I was going to make it to the next gas station. Luckily I did and we got home safe and sound but an hour later than we were supposed to.
I’ve had the best help I can get from friends and family but I still feel so alone and vulnerable. I don’t know when I’ve slept for more than a few hours at the time at night. The other night I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I worry about my children and how am I going to be able to take care of them as a single parent. Anyone who knows my daughter can vouch for me when I say that I have a wonderful daughter but she does have a temper like nothing you’ve ever seen before. My son is more delicate. He’s emotional and he is beginning to withdraw himself from everyone. Emma on the other hand couldn’t care less of what is going on but she’s not even 4 so she doesn’t understand but Eric is 7 and he does understand a lot more.
Last night both of my children fell asleep on the couch so we all slept there that night. My back was sore when I woke up but my children really needed to be close to a parent that night so I decided not to take them back to their beds as soon as they had fallen asleep next to me.
20 May 2008
Update
I tried calling the land lord this past Thursday but they refused to tell me if the problem with the neighbour was going to get resolved in the near future but I was given a phone number to the man in charge of that neighbourhood. When I called this man I was told that this next door neighbour has been evicted and he is moving out in about a month so I decided to take the apartment.
That same evening I had to tell my children that we are moving. It’s not fair that I had to do all that on my own. I couldn’t help it but I started crying and even though my daughter flat out yelled that she didn’t want to see her daddy I had to try to keep a positive vibe to it all. Of course they are going to see their father as much as possible and the reason to why we’re separating is that mom and dad are only fighting these days and that it’s better for everyone that we live separately but that we still love our children very much.
Eric is talking about moving a lot. It seems like he is looking forward to it. Emma doesn’t say that much but I’ve notice this past few months that my children have changed. Eric is more withdrawn and cries a lot and Emma insists on sleeping on the couch with me and not in her own bed. I can’t say if I’ve seen changes in them these past few days.
I feel like the bad guy here. I can’t say that this separation was my idea or if it was something that had to be done anyway. It was probably a little bit of both.
I still worry about how we’re going to be able to deal with everything as soon as this is over. I’m going to be all alone with my children and I alone have to answer all of their questions and being a single parent full time.
That same evening I had to tell my children that we are moving. It’s not fair that I had to do all that on my own. I couldn’t help it but I started crying and even though my daughter flat out yelled that she didn’t want to see her daddy I had to try to keep a positive vibe to it all. Of course they are going to see their father as much as possible and the reason to why we’re separating is that mom and dad are only fighting these days and that it’s better for everyone that we live separately but that we still love our children very much.
Eric is talking about moving a lot. It seems like he is looking forward to it. Emma doesn’t say that much but I’ve notice this past few months that my children have changed. Eric is more withdrawn and cries a lot and Emma insists on sleeping on the couch with me and not in her own bed. I can’t say if I’ve seen changes in them these past few days.
I feel like the bad guy here. I can’t say that this separation was my idea or if it was something that had to be done anyway. It was probably a little bit of both.
I still worry about how we’re going to be able to deal with everything as soon as this is over. I’m going to be all alone with my children and I alone have to answer all of their questions and being a single parent full time.
30 March 2008
Life, stuff and more.
Tomorrow is my last day of work at my old work-place and on Wednesday I'll start my new job. I'm both looking forward to starting this new job but I'm going to miss the kids a lot. I actually started crying the other day while I was saying goodbye to a little girl. I can't belive I've had that job for 7 months and now I'm leaving for a new preschool.
I'm not sure if I have written anything about how things are between my husband and myself. For a very long time we've been co-existing within the same space but we haven't even talked to each other or anything. A few days ago I simply lost my temper and told him if my husband wanted a divorce and a way out of this I could simply just print out the documents needed for a divorce and we'd be done. After that things have been a litte better and we can now even spend time in the same room. I'm still not sure of what I want to do.
And I turned 32 the other day. Yeehaa. Well.. almost. :) My kids gave me two cookbooks because they now that cookbooks are a real obsession of mine. Erik gave me one called "Barbeque" and Emma gave me "deserts". I just love my kids! :)
I'm not sure if I have written anything about how things are between my husband and myself. For a very long time we've been co-existing within the same space but we haven't even talked to each other or anything. A few days ago I simply lost my temper and told him if my husband wanted a divorce and a way out of this I could simply just print out the documents needed for a divorce and we'd be done. After that things have been a litte better and we can now even spend time in the same room. I'm still not sure of what I want to do.
And I turned 32 the other day. Yeehaa. Well.. almost. :) My kids gave me two cookbooks because they now that cookbooks are a real obsession of mine. Erik gave me one called "Barbeque" and Emma gave me "deserts". I just love my kids! :)
26 July 2007
And I'm back.
I just packed things that the kids and I would need for 4 days and got in my car and drove down to my dad's house by the sea and I was so confused. During that time our friend spoke with my husband and he said that he didn't know if he even wanted to work things out and stay together anymore.
I got back home this past Tuesday and that same evening our friend and I drove over to our house and we talked for a couple of hours. I can't say that things improved much but there where things I got to say and demand for all of this to work and one thing was that I was going to be able to have one day a week all to myself - no questions asked! And I got it! Over these two days things have improved a little but there is still a long way to go but at least there is hope...
I got back home this past Tuesday and that same evening our friend and I drove over to our house and we talked for a couple of hours. I can't say that things improved much but there where things I got to say and demand for all of this to work and one thing was that I was going to be able to have one day a week all to myself - no questions asked! And I got it! Over these two days things have improved a little but there is still a long way to go but at least there is hope...
13 July 2007
update
I've tried talking to my husband about this but he just doesn't get it.
And the more I go on about it the more he thinks I annoy him. I left the house early Tuesday afternoon and he is still not talking to me unless I force him to say something but then he only answer in as few words as possible.
My friend is coming home tomorrow evening hopefully and I'll get to see them at church on Sunday. And I do hope they can help me with this.
But it's not all bad. I have to tell you about my day and. I took the kids to a playground this morning and we stayed for a few hours. After that we went home and had lunch - Erik made it for us. Not long after that we left for the beach and it's not really the kind of weather where you would like to go swimming but I figured that the kids would like to play with the sand and the water anyway. Before we went home we went for a walk at a "stone-troll-path" (translated directly from swedish to english), got lost but managed to find our way back home. There where tons and tons of blueberries out in the forrest and the kids looked like smurfs when we got back home.
The kids and I have had a fantastic day today and tomorrow we are leaving for a place that the kids have never been to but one that I loved as a child and there are wonderful playgrounds here and animals to pet and it's all in canyon where you can climb up and down the walls of it. I hope the weather will be as nice tomorrow as it has been today.. And of course I will post pics of that as well.
And the more I go on about it the more he thinks I annoy him. I left the house early Tuesday afternoon and he is still not talking to me unless I force him to say something but then he only answer in as few words as possible.
My friend is coming home tomorrow evening hopefully and I'll get to see them at church on Sunday. And I do hope they can help me with this.
But it's not all bad. I have to tell you about my day and. I took the kids to a playground this morning and we stayed for a few hours. After that we went home and had lunch - Erik made it for us. Not long after that we left for the beach and it's not really the kind of weather where you would like to go swimming but I figured that the kids would like to play with the sand and the water anyway. Before we went home we went for a walk at a "stone-troll-path" (translated directly from swedish to english), got lost but managed to find our way back home. There where tons and tons of blueberries out in the forrest and the kids looked like smurfs when we got back home.
The kids and I have had a fantastic day today and tomorrow we are leaving for a place that the kids have never been to but one that I loved as a child and there are wonderful playgrounds here and animals to pet and it's all in canyon where you can climb up and down the walls of it. I hope the weather will be as nice tomorrow as it has been today.. And of course I will post pics of that as well.
12 July 2007
Couldn't take it anymore
This is not going to be easy for me to write about but this past Tuesday I suffered a complete breakdown and I left my kids and my family for 2 days not telling them where I went. I just had to get out of the house to breath. I did call my mother-in-law before making that desicion to ask if they could look after the kids for a few days and they had no problem with doing just that.
But here goes:
Emma has really huge temper tantrums and she is still acting the same way. Erik has also begun to test me a lot lately and while my husband can go to work, to to the gym, go out with friends to party or to go to the movies with his sister I stay at home with the kids with no time at all to be alone or to do something I want to do. For a couple of weeks now I've begun to feel really stressed out and this is getting to me.
And so this past Tuesday I started crying and I raised my voice. My husband came running screaming from the bedroom and yelled at me for doing this. I started hyperventilating and at one point I thougt that I was going to pass out. Somehow I got hold of my car keys, my wallet, my cellphone and a bottle of water and I took the car, drove to a parkinglot and I sat there and cried and my whole body was shaking. I finally managed to call a friend and I talked with her for 30 minutes.
Then I called my mother-in-law to ask if they could look after the children for a few days, went over to their house and dropped a few things off and drove away not knowing where.
After about an hour I figured I could go to my grandparents grave so I went there and sat on a bench overlooking a lake for 2 hours. After that I went to see a house I used to live in and I also went to an old settlement that was used a century ago in the summer for cattle and live-stock. At around 9:30 I got back home, went to sleep and as soon as I woke up I left again but this time I went over to a friend's house and spent the day and night there. I got back home this morning at 9.
During all of this time my husband never called to ask me where I was or how I was doing. According to my mother-in-law he was really angry with me because of my behaviour. Early this afternoon I went to pick the kids up and got home this evening and still he isn't talking to me but at least I feel rested and being away from my family for 2 days has restored a lot of energy in me and I feel so much more at peace with myself. In a few days a friend is going to stop by to try to talk some sense into him and this friend is probably the only person who is capable of doing just that and I just have to have faith that he is going to be able to help us.
For a long period of time I've felt like I've been stuck in a prison with no way of getting out of it and I desperatly needed a few hours to myself and now I'm calm and relaxed. And I now know that my husband will never change. He will never make an effort to take care of his children a few more hours now and then in order for me to get a chance to relax and unwind.
But here goes:
Emma has really huge temper tantrums and she is still acting the same way. Erik has also begun to test me a lot lately and while my husband can go to work, to to the gym, go out with friends to party or to go to the movies with his sister I stay at home with the kids with no time at all to be alone or to do something I want to do. For a couple of weeks now I've begun to feel really stressed out and this is getting to me.
And so this past Tuesday I started crying and I raised my voice. My husband came running screaming from the bedroom and yelled at me for doing this. I started hyperventilating and at one point I thougt that I was going to pass out. Somehow I got hold of my car keys, my wallet, my cellphone and a bottle of water and I took the car, drove to a parkinglot and I sat there and cried and my whole body was shaking. I finally managed to call a friend and I talked with her for 30 minutes.
Then I called my mother-in-law to ask if they could look after the children for a few days, went over to their house and dropped a few things off and drove away not knowing where.
After about an hour I figured I could go to my grandparents grave so I went there and sat on a bench overlooking a lake for 2 hours. After that I went to see a house I used to live in and I also went to an old settlement that was used a century ago in the summer for cattle and live-stock. At around 9:30 I got back home, went to sleep and as soon as I woke up I left again but this time I went over to a friend's house and spent the day and night there. I got back home this morning at 9.During all of this time my husband never called to ask me where I was or how I was doing. According to my mother-in-law he was really angry with me because of my behaviour. Early this afternoon I went to pick the kids up and got home this evening and still he isn't talking to me but at least I feel rested and being away from my family for 2 days has restored a lot of energy in me and I feel so much more at peace with myself. In a few days a friend is going to stop by to try to talk some sense into him and this friend is probably the only person who is capable of doing just that and I just have to have faith that he is going to be able to help us.
For a long period of time I've felt like I've been stuck in a prison with no way of getting out of it and I desperatly needed a few hours to myself and now I'm calm and relaxed. And I now know that my husband will never change. He will never make an effort to take care of his children a few more hours now and then in order for me to get a chance to relax and unwind.
05 April 2007
Grumpy old men.
This is about my "wonderful" husband.
I grabbed a cup at his desk a few days ago and as always it was full of coffee so I basically drenched the mouse with coffee and it's now dead! Hubby not very happy about that but he got his old mouse out and he's now using it.
That morning he went for a 1½ hour walk and later he went to the gym for more than 2 hours while I had to bake cookies and two pies and take care of the kids, lunch and get everything ready for that evening when we where going to some friends for dinner.
When my husband gets grumpy he can stay like that for days and in the process the kids will be irritated and basically we're all snapping at each other for a week or so.
When he got home from the gym he expected that I would have had everything done by then but I still had to take a shower and so did Emma and I still had to get all of Emma's things ready before we had to go but there was no way he was going to help me get ready. He simply declared that he was not going to come with us, took off his shoes and sat down by his computer and started sulking like a two year old!
I finally managed to get everything in the car and the kids where ready to go but he refused to come with us. I simply lost it and told him that Sarah and I had been trying to find a weekend to get together and if it had not been for the fact that her husband wanted to see him I would go by myself. I told him to act his age and quit that childish behavior and get his shoes on and get in the car!A few minutes later while I was getting the kids in the car he got in himself but he didn't even look at me and it was completely quiet the whole drive over to our friends.
My mother-in-law called a few days ago to ask if we where going to be at home today and they are going to be here soon. I had to clean the entire house myself because my husband is still acting like an immature child and he's sitting either by his computer or in the livingroom - sulking!
I grabbed a cup at his desk a few days ago and as always it was full of coffee so I basically drenched the mouse with coffee and it's now dead! Hubby not very happy about that but he got his old mouse out and he's now using it.
That morning he went for a 1½ hour walk and later he went to the gym for more than 2 hours while I had to bake cookies and two pies and take care of the kids, lunch and get everything ready for that evening when we where going to some friends for dinner.
When my husband gets grumpy he can stay like that for days and in the process the kids will be irritated and basically we're all snapping at each other for a week or so.
When he got home from the gym he expected that I would have had everything done by then but I still had to take a shower and so did Emma and I still had to get all of Emma's things ready before we had to go but there was no way he was going to help me get ready. He simply declared that he was not going to come with us, took off his shoes and sat down by his computer and started sulking like a two year old!
I finally managed to get everything in the car and the kids where ready to go but he refused to come with us. I simply lost it and told him that Sarah and I had been trying to find a weekend to get together and if it had not been for the fact that her husband wanted to see him I would go by myself. I told him to act his age and quit that childish behavior and get his shoes on and get in the car!A few minutes later while I was getting the kids in the car he got in himself but he didn't even look at me and it was completely quiet the whole drive over to our friends.
My mother-in-law called a few days ago to ask if we where going to be at home today and they are going to be here soon. I had to clean the entire house myself because my husband is still acting like an immature child and he's sitting either by his computer or in the livingroom - sulking!
03 November 2006
My baby girl
Isn't a baby anymore! Today is her second birthday!
Happy birthday my beautiful little girl! I love you so much!
Happy birthday my beautiful little girl! I love you so much!
03 September 2006
Dogs and horses - and lots of 'em!
I took the kids to see my mom and sister today. My husband was supposed to come with us - heck, it was his idea - but he caught a cold yesterday and he stayed at home instead. What is it about men - well, at least my husband - who act like they are dying once they get a cold? ;)
Before going to the track we went to pick up my mom and after the initial chock of 4 happy dogs greeting you at the door my daughter took her time to cuddle with Bella. I guess that if it had been up to my daughter we would have to bring that dog home with us! My mom has a kennel and now and then when we stop by they have a bunch of puppies and they are so cute! I'm not getting a dog when my children are this young because it would not be fair to the dog because I don't have the time I need to take care of a dog right now.
My son came back twice to ride the horse again. I'm really glad that my mom lives an hour away because otherwise my son would now be a permanent guest at the stable where my sister is working! ;)
Before going to the track we went to pick up my mom and after the initial chock of 4 happy dogs greeting you at the door my daughter took her time to cuddle with Bella. I guess that if it had been up to my daughter we would have to bring that dog home with us! My mom has a kennel and now and then when we stop by they have a bunch of puppies and they are so cute! I'm not getting a dog when my children are this young because it would not be fair to the dog because I don't have the time I need to take care of a dog right now.
My son came back twice to ride the horse again. I'm really glad that my mom lives an hour away because otherwise my son would now be a permanent guest at the stable where my sister is working! ;)
30 July 2006
Birthday party
My kids cousin turned 11 today and what do you know? When we woke up this morning we still didn't have a birthday present for him or his younger brother - we couldn't go to that party since we where on holiday at the time.
So we got the kids in the car and drove 25 minutes to the nearest mall and got some gifts for the boys and also clotes for our kids and went to the party.
Grandma and grandpa where at the party when we arrived and they took the opportunity to cuddle with two of their grandchildren. My son is on the right trying to escape from grandpa. :D
My daughter found her one year older cousin to help her with the swing. They both loved it!
I was trying to get my daughter to pose for the camera but she had more interesting stuff to do - run around and play and trying to take a swim in a little pond but I was able to get her to sit still for aproximatly the 5 seconds it took for me to take this pic. I was trying to get more pics of my son but he disapeared somewhere and was not seen until it was time for us to go home.
It must have been a very busy day for this young girl...
So we got the kids in the car and drove 25 minutes to the nearest mall and got some gifts for the boys and also clotes for our kids and went to the party.
Grandma and grandpa where at the party when we arrived and they took the opportunity to cuddle with two of their grandchildren. My son is on the right trying to escape from grandpa. :D
My daughter found her one year older cousin to help her with the swing. They both loved it!
I was trying to get my daughter to pose for the camera but she had more interesting stuff to do - run around and play and trying to take a swim in a little pond but I was able to get her to sit still for aproximatly the 5 seconds it took for me to take this pic. I was trying to get more pics of my son but he disapeared somewhere and was not seen until it was time for us to go home.
It must have been a very busy day for this young girl...
25 July 2006
Going to bed
Emma was doing her best tonight to not go to sleep. I put her down into her bed (not a crib - she just climbs out of that and falls to the floor) and she got out. When she saw that I was looking at her she froze - like I wouldn't see her if she stood completely still. She repeated this for 6-8 times tonight..
My daughter
Leave baby-girl unattended for three minutes and this is what you’ll get! I can see my pillow, both her clothes and clothes belonging to her older brother and she also went to the cupboard to get a bag of baby formula which she opened and poured half of the bag onto the floor..
She had formula all over her body and after cleaning up in the living room I had to
get started on getting
her clean as well..
You just got to love them!
Pic time! :D
Bathtime! Erik and Emma are taking baths outside before going to bed.
This is me and my daughter Emma (on the left) and the baby is the daughter of a childhood friend that I went to see yesterday.
Sorry about the dark pic but let me introduce you all to my sister! She's the best sister you can ever imagine and when my kids are in their teens I want them to be like her! :D
My daugher Emma found somewhere to cuddle when she was tired. Emma used to follow her aunt around the house when she was visiting.
24 July 2006
*gaah*
Monday morning and I woke up with a massive headache!
The kids did let me sleep 'til 8 so I'm not complaining about that but does everyone has to go and sit in front of the TV as soon as they've had breakfast? That leaves me with taking care of the dishes, cleaning up in the kitchen, prepping for lunch/dinner and taking care of everything else that needs to be attended to..
But hey - I can play this game too! I am sitting here by my computer aren't I? :D
So it's Monday and you know all these plans you've made: 'on Monday I'll start exercising, get going on all those little things that are just waiting for me to get them done and why not change my entire life'.. yeah right. Who am I kidding? ;)
But as for now I am going to take care of the dishes and take care of the kitchen and after that I am actually going for a walk but only as a mean to get out of the house and for some alone time - when was that last time I actually was all by myself if only to think and do nothing? I can't even remember a time like that.
Now, chicken into the oven and timer set for two hours and I'm off!
Take care now!
The kids did let me sleep 'til 8 so I'm not complaining about that but does everyone has to go and sit in front of the TV as soon as they've had breakfast? That leaves me with taking care of the dishes, cleaning up in the kitchen, prepping for lunch/dinner and taking care of everything else that needs to be attended to..
But hey - I can play this game too! I am sitting here by my computer aren't I? :D
So it's Monday and you know all these plans you've made: 'on Monday I'll start exercising, get going on all those little things that are just waiting for me to get them done and why not change my entire life'.. yeah right. Who am I kidding? ;)
But as for now I am going to take care of the dishes and take care of the kitchen and after that I am actually going for a walk but only as a mean to get out of the house and for some alone time - when was that last time I actually was all by myself if only to think and do nothing? I can't even remember a time like that.
Now, chicken into the oven and timer set for two hours and I'm off!
Take care now!
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