Cactus of the week

You can either send in an add to give someone a virtual rose if they have done something for you or you can send in to give someone a thorn or a cactus. Something tells me that the “cactus of the week” I read in one of our add-papers was for me and my husband and frankly – I don’t care! I started to laugh at work today when I read it because this is just ridiculous!

I can’t give you all the details – maybe because I can’t remember all of them myself because this has been going on for almost 7 years now. And by giving you information about what the cactus was for I’m also revealing too much of myself and my family.

But I can pass along one thing that was written and also reply to that – there where so many things in this “cactus of the week” but one thing that we got a cactus for was that this person is sending my son money for every birthday and also sends my son’s photo and a happy birthday wish to the local newspaper to print on his birthday. And the cactus was for us not thanking for the money. In my opinion giving money is NOT a substitute for giving my son love, a hug or just visiting them. And then another thing – the money and photo thing is only given to my son and not both children and that is also a huge reason to why we’re not getting down on our knees, kissing this person’s feet for every dollar that is given to our son!

My husband has made some decisions to keep his family as safe from harm as possible. He himself has done a couple of very difficult choices and there are people out there who can’t accept that because it is an inconvenience to them.

Sometimes I feel like my children are being used in some evil scheme only to satisfy one person – with the help of plenty of friends and family who are to blind to see that they are being used themselves.

Today’s rant

My husband turns 40 on October 22nd and I've been planning this dinner for him for a very long time. I only invited our closest friends, his family and also a few people from my family. So far all of our friends have contacted me telling me if they are coming or not and so have all of the relatives on my side.

There are still 6 hours to go before the end of today and today was the last day for everyone to tell me if they are coming or not - so far none of my husband's relatives - dad, stepmother, 2 sisters with husbands and kids have either e-mailed, called or stent me a text message telling me that they are coming.

So I guess that there will only be our friends and my family at this surprise dinner party on the 13th.

update: only 2 hours before midnight two more families called to tell me that they are coming. Now all I have to do is to get shopping! :)

Not again.

So this was supposed to be my day off since I had this interview to go to but on my way there I got a call from a co-worker asking me to come in to work afterwards anyway and I could tell something had happend so I told her I'd be there as soon as I could.

So this interview went well - or so I thought. I got to work and my two co-workers came running and gave me this hug and later I found out why they had to get rid of this new temp.

So I stayed and kept on working. Later in the afternoon I got a call and I was told for the third time in three weeks that I didn't get the job and if anyone ever tells me one more time that "I was the kind of person that they where looking for" "they really liked me" "I had the right attitude towards the job and the children but.." I'm going to scream!

And boy. Don't ever tell me again that "I am sure you'll get a job really soon" because I can tell you something. It would feel a lot better if they just slapped me across the face instead. I'm so sick of this.

I just fell like taking out a large tub of ice-cream and binge while crying in front of the TV.

It's killing me!

I have two big news to share but the problem is that I can't talk about them for different reasons. Anyone who knows me is very well aware of the fact that I have to talk about things that happen in my life if it's a good thing. I just want to go outside and scream from the top of my lungs!

The first of these two news happend around lunchtime when a friend of mine called. The other news also has to do with a phone call but in this case I could not even think that they would call on a Sunday.

If you happen to read this now and I haven't posted any more about this then just stick around and I promise that I'll post everything that I can in here as soon as I can.

That´s a promise.

edit: I was asked to serve as the Young Womens president at my branch. :)

Farscape vid - my immortal

I absolutely love SciFi! Now Farscpe was cancelled a couple of years ago, a few months ago we learned that Stargate SG-1 was cancelled. The only thing that keeps me going is Stargate Atlantis and a few fanvids like this one. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this particular fanvid and cried....

Big brother is watching.

It is interesting to see that people think they can write anything online and that they don't understand that everything they do may have consequences. Just take this woman that we called in last week to fill in where I work at the moment. At one point she and I started talking about the Internet and forums for parents and such. She suddenly mentions this particular forum that I am also a member at so I thought that I should just see if I can find her on that forum. It took me about a minute or two to find her. Now here’s the problem.

In posts in the forum I can find different statements about her child’s preschool. It’s not the one I work at but I know people who work there and this young woman is quite verbal and in some posts she is really annoyed with her child’s teachers, and when I started to read her own presentation amongst other things she states that she has been arrested. Now I know that she has never been convicted of anything because if you are going to work in childcare or at a school in this country you have to produce a document from the police saying that you are not convicted of a fellony and she had this document. But just reading that she has been arrested and the fact that she does speak a lot about co-workers of mine and on top of it all: she uses her own name and her child’s name in her presentation so anyone who knows her or has any idea of where she lives can easily find out which person she is talking about.

And then another thing – the facebook hype has hit this country too! I found a long lost friend in there. It turned out that he had registered only a week before me and then as soon as I became a member I started looking up old friends and I found this guy! I’ve been looking for him for a while but now he’s found. :D The other thing is that I’m not to crazy about finding out things about people only because I happen to take a quick glance at their presentation. Just today I found out that my father has apparently broken up with his girlfriend. I don’t expect him to give me a call or anything but just send me a message so I don’t say something I shouldn’t the next time I talk to him.

That’s all from me today.

Goodnight

Third Time's the Charm?

I’m getting really sick of this! One rejection after another! So this time they actually sent me an e-mail instead of calling me telling me that I didn’t get the job. That was the second job interview in a short period of time. They say third time’s the charm but I don’t know.

All I know right now is that I have a job to go to this week and the next two weeks but after that I have no idea of what I'll be doing. I don’t want to go back to work as an "emergency temp" again when I get a phone call in the morning and I can end up working anywhere that day and then I just have to go home and wait for the next phone call.

I feel so confused.

It may turn out to that I don’t even have a problem but let’s just play the devil’s advocate for a moment. I wrote about a job interview a few days ago. At the moment I’m filling in for someone at a daycare-center and here is my problem.

What if I get this job that I’ve applied for? And what if this daycare-center asks me to stay a while longer?

The first job is at an office. Full time, permanent basis. There will be no scheduling-problems between that job and my children’s daycare and it sounds really interesting! On the other hand – I do have a degree in teaching and that is what I want to do but not at a daycare-center but if I manage to fill in for 2 years I will automatically have a permanent job as a teacher somewhere.

Right now I feel desperate enough to take any job that is offered to me.

Lit up like a Christmas-tree

If there is something that is causing a lot of stress in my life then it definitely is being without a job. Every day I search the Internet to see if there might be a new job out there for me to apply to but they are scares – to say the least.

So today when I got back inside from being out with the children all day at work I saw that all of the icons on my phone had lit up like a Christmas tree: there was a message from my husband, 2 missed calls and one message on my answering-service.

To make a very long story a lot shorter I could just sum up the whole thing with one sentence: I’ve got another job-interview tomorrow morning and this time if I get the job I might be able to practice my English on an everyday basis! This girl could not be happier!

I felt popular today.

My phone rang a few minutes to eight this morning and a school needed me to fill in for a teacher so I took the job and left my house. Within the hour I had received yet another phone call but from the same place that I worked at last week but unfortunately I couldn’t work today but agreed to work there the rest of the week. Before I left today’s job two more schools had called and asked me to fill in for different teachers.

Something that really bugs me though is the fact that it seems to be impossible to get a job in my county if you live here because all of the teachers hired in the past 2 years have been from another city. Maybe I’ll just have to move there and then move back once I finally get a job here? I do get to work a lot but not here - I have to travel 20 minutes to a nearby city and I seem to be in demand over there.

I can’t say that I like my situation as it is. I like to know what’s going to happen the next day but now all I do is to sit at home and wait for the phone to call to see if I can get a days work somewhere. I’ve got a degree in teaching, I’ve done my 3½ years of college but it seems to be impossible to get a job that lasts for more than a day or two.

Strange

It's strange how things work out sometimes.

I went to this jobinterview last Monday and on Tuesday they called to say I didn't get the job. I have to admit that there was something about this job that made me think twice about it but at the same time I was sad that I didn't get a full-time job.

Then Wednesday morning the phone rang. The same person who was interviewing me along with two others called and asked if I wanted to work at another place for three days and I was more than happy to.

Yesterday only a few hours before my last shift was over they asked if they could call me again if they needed help and of course they can and another thing. I now know more about that job I applied for and now I'm really happy that I didn't get that job. I'm not going to say anything other than that but belive me when I say that for the first time I'm relieved that I didn't get a job.

A gentle breeze

The only sound she could hear was the sound of water softly rolling in on the beach as the sun set over the cove. A gentle breeze flowed through her hair and she could hear his footsteps as he walked towards her. She could sense his presence where he stopped behind her. His fingers touched her shoulder only to brush her hair aside so he could place a soft, tender kiss on her shoulder. She started to shiver as he slowly kissed the side of her neck. He turned her head and she saw the love in his eyes.

~drabble by Seven~

Slow dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like anunopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

~author unknown~

I do not like this - at all!

Yesterday the weather was great and I spent 2½ hours walking on different paths in the woods close to where I live and it was magical.

This morning I woke up with a cold, headache and I just knew there was no way I was ever going to be able to go to church so the kids and I stayed at home. When my husband woke up we just had to go grocery shopping if we wanted to survive this weekend. When we finally got home I was so tired I actually felt sick.

I grabbed a book and brought it with me to the livingroom and sat down to read while also drinking tons of fluid. Now it's close to midnight and all of the painkillers I've been taking today is going to keep me up all night.. which means that I'm going to be just as tired tomorrow as I am today.

That bitch!

Last night I found out that someone we knew lured my son and his friend to her apartment for some ice-cream! He has no idea of who she is and hubby wants to have nothing to do with her since she turned our lives into a living hell for so many years and now she takes advatage of the fact that Erik has a friend that he loves to play with only a few hundred

meters from her and this is the first time she got them to follow her home - the last time she tried something like this Erik came home crying and he was so scared!

Erik's room!

Unfortunally I can't show you the short vid I made of his room since I use his real name in the vid I made and not the name I'm using on this site but the room has transformed from a junk-room into a great room for a 6-year old!

There were a few people who didn't think that Erik would ever sleep alone downstairs in the basement but he absolutely did and he loves his room.

- And so does his mother! There is finally peace and quiet in the house. Erik can take his friends and go downstairs to his room leaving his little sister upstairs. Now she can't bother them and make a lot of fuss when Erik and his friends are not willing to let her join in the fun!

And I'm back.

I just packed things that the kids and I would need for 4 days and got in my car and drove down to my dad's house by the sea and I was so confused. During that time our friend spoke with my husband and he said that he didn't know if he even wanted to work things out and stay together anymore.

I got back home this past Tuesday and that same evening our friend and I drove over to our house and we talked for a couple of hours. I can't say that things improved much but there where things I got to say and demand for all of this to work and one thing was that I was going to be able to have one day a week all to myself - no questions asked! And I got it! Over these two days things have improved a little but there is still a long way to go but at least there is hope...

update

I've tried talking to my husband about this but he just doesn't get it.

And the more I go on about it the more he thinks I annoy him. I left the house early Tuesday afternoon and he is still not talking to me unless I force him to say something but then he only answer in as few words as possible.

My friend is coming home tomorrow evening hopefully and I'll get to see them at church on Sunday. And I do hope they can help me with this.




But it's not all bad. I have to tell you about my day and. I took the kids to a playground this morning and we stayed for a few hours. After that we went home and had lunch - Erik made it for us. Not long after that we left for the beach and it's not really the kind of weather where you would like to go swimming but I figured that the kids would like to play with the sand and the water anyway. Before we went home we went for a walk at a "stone-troll-path" (translated directly from swedish to english), got lost but managed to find our way back home. There where tons and tons of blueberries out in the forrest and the kids looked like smurfs when we got back home.

The kids and I have had a fantastic day today and tomorrow we are leaving for a place that the kids have never been to but one that I loved as a child and there are wonderful playgrounds here and animals to pet and it's all in canyon where you can climb up and down the walls of it. I hope the weather will be as nice tomorrow as it has been today.. And of course I will post pics of that as well.

Couldn't take it anymore

This is not going to be easy for me to write about but this past Tuesday I suffered a complete breakdown and I left my kids and my family for 2 days not telling them where I went. I just had to get out of the house to breath. I did call my mother-in-law before making that desicion to ask if they could look after the kids for a few days and they had no problem with doing just that.

But here goes:
Emma has really huge temper tantrums and she is still acting the same way. Erik has also begun to test me a lot lately and while my husband can go to work, to to the gym, go out with friends to party or to go to the movies with his sister I stay at home with the kids with no time at all to be alone or to do something I want to do. For a couple of weeks now I've begun to feel really stressed out and this is getting to me.

And so this past Tuesday I started crying and I raised my voice. My husband came running screaming from the bedroom and yelled at me for doing this. I started hyperventilating and at one point I thougt that I was going to pass out. Somehow I got hold of my car keys, my wallet, my cellphone and a bottle of water and I took the car, drove to a parkinglot and I sat there and cried and my whole body was shaking. I finally managed to call a friend and I talked with her for 30 minutes.

Then I called my mother-in-law to ask if they could look after the children for a few days, went over to their house and dropped a few things off and drove away not knowing where. After about an hour I figured I could go to my grandparents grave so I went there and sat on a bench overlooking a lake for 2 hours. After that I went to see a house I used to live in and I also went to an old settlement that was used a century ago in the summer for cattle and live-stock. At around 9:30 I got back home, went to sleep and as soon as I woke up I left again but this time I went over to a friend's house and spent the day and night there. I got back home this morning at 9.

During all of this time my husband never called to ask me where I was or how I was doing. According to my mother-in-law he was really angry with me because of my behaviour. Early this afternoon I went to pick the kids up and got home this evening and still he isn't talking to me but at least I feel rested and being away from my family for 2 days has restored a lot of energy in me and I feel so much more at peace with myself. In a few days a friend is going to stop by to try to talk some sense into him and this friend is probably the only person who is capable of doing just that and I just have to have faith that he is going to be able to help us.

For a long period of time I've felt like I've been stuck in a prison with no way of getting out of it and I desperatly needed a few hours to myself and now I'm calm and relaxed. And I now know that my husband will never change. He will never make an effort to take care of his children a few more hours now and then in order for me to get a chance to relax and unwind.

The summer is here!

Tell me about it!

It's so frellin' hot that you can hardly walk outside the house! It's just insane!!!

And here we are - working on a third bedroom so that Erik can have a bedroom of his own. :D