A new beginning

It's almost 11 am and I'm sitting here thinking about the year that ended not even 12 hours ago. It's been a year with lots of ups and downs. In January I got a call from someone of whom I was a fan of when I was 8 and today he's my boss. I couldn't belive it that a famous person would actually call my house. Not only is he my boss today but I also have what lots of his fans out there want - his phone numbers. *lol*

In February I got a job as a pre-school teacher and that job ended at the end of May. In September I got a new job again and that job ended not that many days ago.

This past summer was really rough on me. My husband and I had been fighting a lot and we drifted apart so one day I just broke down and left everyone and everything for two days. At the moment I still don't see much of a change in our relationship and I have begun to question various parts of my life.

With that said. Today is a new day, a new year and it should be a new beginning. I have but one New Years resolution and no. It's not loosing weight or anything because I'm already doing that. *S* My resolusion is to take up my writing again and next to me there is a book. In this book I wrote down I dream I had in April of 1998 (on the 12th as a matter of fact). I've shown this text to a couple of people and I more and more feel that I need to get it down in writing in a more proper way that a few scribblings after I woke up in the middle of the night after having this dream.

I would encourage everyone to do something for someone this coming year but do it anonymously - be someone's secret Santa and make sure you show everyone you love and care about that you will always be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on or simply someone to talk to.

Pay It Forward

I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don't know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.


De tre första som lämnar en kommentar till detta inlägg kommer att få ett paket med någonting som jag har gjort och som det står i texten ovan: Kanske inte imorgon eller om en vecka, men du kommer att få ett litet paket inom 365 dagar, det lovar jag och allt du behöver göra är att skicka vidare genom att lova samma sak på din blogg samt såklart lämna en kommentar här!

Longing for Christmas

A couple of months ago we decided to transform the junkroom in our basement into a bedroom for our son and in the process of moving everything from one room to the other all of my christmas decorations got lost and I can't find them. I've had these love/hate feelings when it comes to this particular holiday but this year I wanted to decorate the house and get a tree - only to discover that I couldn't even find anything to decorate with but I managed to buy a few things and the house is now decorated - not in a traditional swedish christmas decorated theme but my own version of a cozy christmas.

And as of today I'm unemployed again. The strange thing is even though I had a hard time saying goodbye to the kids I feel I need to take some time off to get back on track once more. There is a reason for why no new entries have been made but I can't talk about them since there is an investigation going on concerning things that has happend at my job. All I can say is that I am not involved myself. Well I kind of am but only as a witness and the fact that I had to write a statement about a cople of things.

I can't say that I'm looking forward going through the process of getting a new job again but I try to tell myself that there is a meaning to why things happen. Like this thing at work - there was a reason to why I got this job and not any of the other 3 that I could have gotten 3-4 months ago and there is someone/a workplace out there who needs me and fate will lead me to that special place.

What holiday am I?

You Are Valentine's Day

You are a true romantic who places the ultimate importance on love. You are warm hearted, and you find it easy to care for people. Love is what drives you - and you have a love to give. You enjoy making someone's day. You're full of surprises. What makes you celebrate: Being with the person you love on a special day At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The sentimental one On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: See it as romantic and special

What Holiday Are You?

Snow wonder

Even before I opened my eyes this morning I knew that there was something special about this day and I was right. As I pulled the curtains aside I just stood there in awe and saw the snowflakes slowly falling to the ground. I just love the snow! I’m like a child on Christmas Eve. The drive to work was a bore since there is something about the snow that makes a lot of people really nervous about driving. I can’t really understand why when we live in a part of the world where the ground is covered with this beautiful white blanket for up to five months a year.


All of a sudden I was 12 again, waiting for my friends to come over so we could start digging in the snow, making fortresses, throwing snow-balls at each other and all I could think of was that I wanted to go outside to make snow-angels but I had to go to work.



In 7 hours we got almost 5 centimeters of snow and by the time I got to go home the road had started to close up. This far up in the northern hemisphere it get’s dark really soon in the winter and today was no exception. I got home around 5 pm and by then it was almost pitch black outside but it didn’t stop me and my children to get dressed and run outside. As usual my snow-hating husband refused to come with us but my children and I had a great time!

What color crayon am I?

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors.While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around.Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease.You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows! Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you. http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorcrayonareyouquiz/ What Color Crayon Are You?

A sleeping child.

A couple of days ago I was standing by the window at my job looking out over the sleeping children outside and it dawned on me what a confidence their parents have in us that are taking care of their children every day. I along with two more teachers have been given the trust to take care of these children whom they love dearly and they are depending on us to help them as parents to prepare this child for life, to nurture, to teach and also to love their child.

Everyday at work I get so many hugs and I give them as well. To have a child that is not your own come up to you only to give you a hug because they like you is a truly awesome experience.

There are not that many things in life that are this rewarding and I go to work everyday with a smile on my face because I know that I will get to meet 17 wonderful children and I get to spend a few hours every week with them and it is so gratifying.

taking all the credit

Let’s see if I can explain all of this so that it makes sense and at the same time I have to keep in mind that I signed documents about confidentiality when it comes to my job.

We’ve all met children of all ages that have had a rough time and as I’m working with children I am told what is going on in these children’s lives. There is this child and something happened when we were all around (at work). One of my co-workers has been telling everyone that this child only connects with her and she’s the only one this child will accept and that the rest of us will have a hard time dealing with this child when she’s not around.

I’ve never found that to be true and yesterday morning my feelings where confirmed. As this child came to the preschool yesterday morning along with a woman that usually drives this child to us in the morning. She said that she was glad that it was me that was there because she had noticed that this child stayed calm, was well-adjusted and that the child was in control of itself when I was there. Another mother has frequently told us that her child has had a lot of issues but that her child has calmed down recently and what do you know – the same co-worker is taking all the credit for that as well but I know that I’m the one who is the one that is working with this child more than anyone else at work and I know that it’s not my co-worker that has achieved this.

At work I don’t talk about this because I’m only a temp. If I start correcting my co-worker I might not have a job to go to. All I can do is know that all of my hard work with this last child has paid off and I also now know that the first child is more adjusted that my co-worker is letting the rest of us know but it bugs me knowing that someone else is taking the credit for all the hours I have put in to help these children to become part of the whole group and to help them to calm down.

I'm still alive.

I should have written something in my blog ages ago but RL has definitely been keeping my busy. I’m still working and my days are still very stressful but I’m starting to find more and more ways of dealing with it. I actually thought I was fine with the whole situation until last Saturday when I went to see a friend of mine. She dyed my hair dark and as she was rinsing out the hair-dye a lot of hair fell off. My body is starting to show signs of being affected by all the stress.

And as for changing the color of my hair. Why is it that something so simple can make you feel like a whole new person? So I’m not blond anymore! *lol* I’ll see if I can upload a pic of the new me! :D

Oh and I have to tell you all about what happened last Friday! I had so much fun! I invited my group of girls for a surprise last Friday and we met at the chapel. We drove up to this area were they have a lot of sites around in the forest were you can light a fire and sit down for hot dogs. It was pitch black and we had to walk a couple of hundred meters without any light. As soon as we got there we started a fire and I immediately told them stories of when I met a ghost and other stories like like this that I’ve heard.

An hour after we got to this place the girls thought they heard something in the forest. They could hear the sound of branches breaking, voices whispering and at one point I thought one of them actually might pass out! There, not more than 20 meters from were we where, we could se the silhouette of someone just standing there in the middle of the path we had taken earlier!

I knew who were out there but even I was scared! Later on the guys came up to us and we had a great time together – 6 girls and 5 guys and the leaders of both groups!

This Friday I’m going to teach them origami. J

busy busy busy

About 4 weeks ago I got a call from one of the leaders in my branch – at church and he asked if I was willing to serve as the young women’s president. So yesterday at church I finally got my calling and one of the old advisors gave me her books and stuff. I finally got a hold of my friend who used to be the president and got some information about this from her as well but understandably I’m both very excited about this and scared to death. J I’ve never been a part of the young women’s so I have nothing to look back at and to draw experience from but in the end I think everything will work out just perfect.

And on top of that! At the start of this year I also started my work as my branch seminary teacher so now I have both callings and I’m a mother of two working full time. Don’t think for a second that I’m complaining. I love being busy but my only problem is that I might have a problem saying no when I feel that I can’t take it anymore but anyway… I can’t wait to get started!

Cactus of the week

You can either send in an add to give someone a virtual rose if they have done something for you or you can send in to give someone a thorn or a cactus. Something tells me that the “cactus of the week” I read in one of our add-papers was for me and my husband and frankly – I don’t care! I started to laugh at work today when I read it because this is just ridiculous!

I can’t give you all the details – maybe because I can’t remember all of them myself because this has been going on for almost 7 years now. And by giving you information about what the cactus was for I’m also revealing too much of myself and my family.

But I can pass along one thing that was written and also reply to that – there where so many things in this “cactus of the week” but one thing that we got a cactus for was that this person is sending my son money for every birthday and also sends my son’s photo and a happy birthday wish to the local newspaper to print on his birthday. And the cactus was for us not thanking for the money. In my opinion giving money is NOT a substitute for giving my son love, a hug or just visiting them. And then another thing – the money and photo thing is only given to my son and not both children and that is also a huge reason to why we’re not getting down on our knees, kissing this person’s feet for every dollar that is given to our son!

My husband has made some decisions to keep his family as safe from harm as possible. He himself has done a couple of very difficult choices and there are people out there who can’t accept that because it is an inconvenience to them.

Sometimes I feel like my children are being used in some evil scheme only to satisfy one person – with the help of plenty of friends and family who are to blind to see that they are being used themselves.

Today’s rant

My husband turns 40 on October 22nd and I've been planning this dinner for him for a very long time. I only invited our closest friends, his family and also a few people from my family. So far all of our friends have contacted me telling me if they are coming or not and so have all of the relatives on my side.

There are still 6 hours to go before the end of today and today was the last day for everyone to tell me if they are coming or not - so far none of my husband's relatives - dad, stepmother, 2 sisters with husbands and kids have either e-mailed, called or stent me a text message telling me that they are coming.

So I guess that there will only be our friends and my family at this surprise dinner party on the 13th.

update: only 2 hours before midnight two more families called to tell me that they are coming. Now all I have to do is to get shopping! :)

Not again.

So this was supposed to be my day off since I had this interview to go to but on my way there I got a call from a co-worker asking me to come in to work afterwards anyway and I could tell something had happend so I told her I'd be there as soon as I could.

So this interview went well - or so I thought. I got to work and my two co-workers came running and gave me this hug and later I found out why they had to get rid of this new temp.

So I stayed and kept on working. Later in the afternoon I got a call and I was told for the third time in three weeks that I didn't get the job and if anyone ever tells me one more time that "I was the kind of person that they where looking for" "they really liked me" "I had the right attitude towards the job and the children but.." I'm going to scream!

And boy. Don't ever tell me again that "I am sure you'll get a job really soon" because I can tell you something. It would feel a lot better if they just slapped me across the face instead. I'm so sick of this.

I just fell like taking out a large tub of ice-cream and binge while crying in front of the TV.

It's killing me!

I have two big news to share but the problem is that I can't talk about them for different reasons. Anyone who knows me is very well aware of the fact that I have to talk about things that happen in my life if it's a good thing. I just want to go outside and scream from the top of my lungs!

The first of these two news happend around lunchtime when a friend of mine called. The other news also has to do with a phone call but in this case I could not even think that they would call on a Sunday.

If you happen to read this now and I haven't posted any more about this then just stick around and I promise that I'll post everything that I can in here as soon as I can.

That´s a promise.

edit: I was asked to serve as the Young Womens president at my branch. :)

Farscape vid - my immortal

I absolutely love SciFi! Now Farscpe was cancelled a couple of years ago, a few months ago we learned that Stargate SG-1 was cancelled. The only thing that keeps me going is Stargate Atlantis and a few fanvids like this one. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this particular fanvid and cried....

Big brother is watching.

It is interesting to see that people think they can write anything online and that they don't understand that everything they do may have consequences. Just take this woman that we called in last week to fill in where I work at the moment. At one point she and I started talking about the Internet and forums for parents and such. She suddenly mentions this particular forum that I am also a member at so I thought that I should just see if I can find her on that forum. It took me about a minute or two to find her. Now here’s the problem.

In posts in the forum I can find different statements about her child’s preschool. It’s not the one I work at but I know people who work there and this young woman is quite verbal and in some posts she is really annoyed with her child’s teachers, and when I started to read her own presentation amongst other things she states that she has been arrested. Now I know that she has never been convicted of anything because if you are going to work in childcare or at a school in this country you have to produce a document from the police saying that you are not convicted of a fellony and she had this document. But just reading that she has been arrested and the fact that she does speak a lot about co-workers of mine and on top of it all: she uses her own name and her child’s name in her presentation so anyone who knows her or has any idea of where she lives can easily find out which person she is talking about.

And then another thing – the facebook hype has hit this country too! I found a long lost friend in there. It turned out that he had registered only a week before me and then as soon as I became a member I started looking up old friends and I found this guy! I’ve been looking for him for a while but now he’s found. :D The other thing is that I’m not to crazy about finding out things about people only because I happen to take a quick glance at their presentation. Just today I found out that my father has apparently broken up with his girlfriend. I don’t expect him to give me a call or anything but just send me a message so I don’t say something I shouldn’t the next time I talk to him.

That’s all from me today.

Goodnight

Third Time's the Charm?

I’m getting really sick of this! One rejection after another! So this time they actually sent me an e-mail instead of calling me telling me that I didn’t get the job. That was the second job interview in a short period of time. They say third time’s the charm but I don’t know.

All I know right now is that I have a job to go to this week and the next two weeks but after that I have no idea of what I'll be doing. I don’t want to go back to work as an "emergency temp" again when I get a phone call in the morning and I can end up working anywhere that day and then I just have to go home and wait for the next phone call.

I feel so confused.

It may turn out to that I don’t even have a problem but let’s just play the devil’s advocate for a moment. I wrote about a job interview a few days ago. At the moment I’m filling in for someone at a daycare-center and here is my problem.

What if I get this job that I’ve applied for? And what if this daycare-center asks me to stay a while longer?

The first job is at an office. Full time, permanent basis. There will be no scheduling-problems between that job and my children’s daycare and it sounds really interesting! On the other hand – I do have a degree in teaching and that is what I want to do but not at a daycare-center but if I manage to fill in for 2 years I will automatically have a permanent job as a teacher somewhere.

Right now I feel desperate enough to take any job that is offered to me.

Lit up like a Christmas-tree

If there is something that is causing a lot of stress in my life then it definitely is being without a job. Every day I search the Internet to see if there might be a new job out there for me to apply to but they are scares – to say the least.

So today when I got back inside from being out with the children all day at work I saw that all of the icons on my phone had lit up like a Christmas tree: there was a message from my husband, 2 missed calls and one message on my answering-service.

To make a very long story a lot shorter I could just sum up the whole thing with one sentence: I’ve got another job-interview tomorrow morning and this time if I get the job I might be able to practice my English on an everyday basis! This girl could not be happier!

I felt popular today.

My phone rang a few minutes to eight this morning and a school needed me to fill in for a teacher so I took the job and left my house. Within the hour I had received yet another phone call but from the same place that I worked at last week but unfortunately I couldn’t work today but agreed to work there the rest of the week. Before I left today’s job two more schools had called and asked me to fill in for different teachers.

Something that really bugs me though is the fact that it seems to be impossible to get a job in my county if you live here because all of the teachers hired in the past 2 years have been from another city. Maybe I’ll just have to move there and then move back once I finally get a job here? I do get to work a lot but not here - I have to travel 20 minutes to a nearby city and I seem to be in demand over there.

I can’t say that I like my situation as it is. I like to know what’s going to happen the next day but now all I do is to sit at home and wait for the phone to call to see if I can get a days work somewhere. I’ve got a degree in teaching, I’ve done my 3½ years of college but it seems to be impossible to get a job that lasts for more than a day or two.