Erik's room!

Unfortunally I can't show you the short vid I made of his room since I use his real name in the vid I made and not the name I'm using on this site but the room has transformed from a junk-room into a great room for a 6-year old!

There were a few people who didn't think that Erik would ever sleep alone downstairs in the basement but he absolutely did and he loves his room.

- And so does his mother! There is finally peace and quiet in the house. Erik can take his friends and go downstairs to his room leaving his little sister upstairs. Now she can't bother them and make a lot of fuss when Erik and his friends are not willing to let her join in the fun!

And I'm back.

I just packed things that the kids and I would need for 4 days and got in my car and drove down to my dad's house by the sea and I was so confused. During that time our friend spoke with my husband and he said that he didn't know if he even wanted to work things out and stay together anymore.

I got back home this past Tuesday and that same evening our friend and I drove over to our house and we talked for a couple of hours. I can't say that things improved much but there where things I got to say and demand for all of this to work and one thing was that I was going to be able to have one day a week all to myself - no questions asked! And I got it! Over these two days things have improved a little but there is still a long way to go but at least there is hope...

update

I've tried talking to my husband about this but he just doesn't get it.

And the more I go on about it the more he thinks I annoy him. I left the house early Tuesday afternoon and he is still not talking to me unless I force him to say something but then he only answer in as few words as possible.

My friend is coming home tomorrow evening hopefully and I'll get to see them at church on Sunday. And I do hope they can help me with this.




But it's not all bad. I have to tell you about my day and. I took the kids to a playground this morning and we stayed for a few hours. After that we went home and had lunch - Erik made it for us. Not long after that we left for the beach and it's not really the kind of weather where you would like to go swimming but I figured that the kids would like to play with the sand and the water anyway. Before we went home we went for a walk at a "stone-troll-path" (translated directly from swedish to english), got lost but managed to find our way back home. There where tons and tons of blueberries out in the forrest and the kids looked like smurfs when we got back home.

The kids and I have had a fantastic day today and tomorrow we are leaving for a place that the kids have never been to but one that I loved as a child and there are wonderful playgrounds here and animals to pet and it's all in canyon where you can climb up and down the walls of it. I hope the weather will be as nice tomorrow as it has been today.. And of course I will post pics of that as well.

Couldn't take it anymore

This is not going to be easy for me to write about but this past Tuesday I suffered a complete breakdown and I left my kids and my family for 2 days not telling them where I went. I just had to get out of the house to breath. I did call my mother-in-law before making that desicion to ask if they could look after the kids for a few days and they had no problem with doing just that.

But here goes:
Emma has really huge temper tantrums and she is still acting the same way. Erik has also begun to test me a lot lately and while my husband can go to work, to to the gym, go out with friends to party or to go to the movies with his sister I stay at home with the kids with no time at all to be alone or to do something I want to do. For a couple of weeks now I've begun to feel really stressed out and this is getting to me.

And so this past Tuesday I started crying and I raised my voice. My husband came running screaming from the bedroom and yelled at me for doing this. I started hyperventilating and at one point I thougt that I was going to pass out. Somehow I got hold of my car keys, my wallet, my cellphone and a bottle of water and I took the car, drove to a parkinglot and I sat there and cried and my whole body was shaking. I finally managed to call a friend and I talked with her for 30 minutes.

Then I called my mother-in-law to ask if they could look after the children for a few days, went over to their house and dropped a few things off and drove away not knowing where. After about an hour I figured I could go to my grandparents grave so I went there and sat on a bench overlooking a lake for 2 hours. After that I went to see a house I used to live in and I also went to an old settlement that was used a century ago in the summer for cattle and live-stock. At around 9:30 I got back home, went to sleep and as soon as I woke up I left again but this time I went over to a friend's house and spent the day and night there. I got back home this morning at 9.

During all of this time my husband never called to ask me where I was or how I was doing. According to my mother-in-law he was really angry with me because of my behaviour. Early this afternoon I went to pick the kids up and got home this evening and still he isn't talking to me but at least I feel rested and being away from my family for 2 days has restored a lot of energy in me and I feel so much more at peace with myself. In a few days a friend is going to stop by to try to talk some sense into him and this friend is probably the only person who is capable of doing just that and I just have to have faith that he is going to be able to help us.

For a long period of time I've felt like I've been stuck in a prison with no way of getting out of it and I desperatly needed a few hours to myself and now I'm calm and relaxed. And I now know that my husband will never change. He will never make an effort to take care of his children a few more hours now and then in order for me to get a chance to relax and unwind.