Twinkle twinkle little star

What can I say? It’s like living on a never ending rollercoaster ride! Thank goodness there is some good news that comes with that. I managed to call my unemployment office while coughing like mad. I don’t have to take that job that I interviewed for last week! And knowing that has made my life so much easier – I can’t tell you!

There is still a lot going on at work and the only way I see out of that problem is to quit. I’d like to do that but as long as I don’t have another job I’m going to have to stick with what I’ve got at the moment. Not exactly what I’ve dreamt of but what can I do?

There are more good news! To me it feels like yesterday but 9 years ago I started the long and tedious job of filling out a ton of paperwork only to go to the States to work as an au-pair. In November I saw this agency looking for people to perform interviews for this kind of work and I applied but I didn’t think much more of it until they actually called me back last week and offered me the job! And today I got my first call-sheet and I am going to call this girl tomorrow and book an interview with her. If this goes well I will also get applicants for high school to interview. I know this is just a part-time job but it will be a much appreciated addition to our vacation- or Christmas fund.

Oh and I talked to Aaron the other day! I still can’t believe I found this friend of mine! I thought I would never get to talk to him again but somehow he is back in my life and I could not be happier! 

Falling apart

I broke down in tears last night. I don’t know for how much longer I can take it. Everything that has been going on at my job, when it comes to my relationship to my husband and now also the governments rules regarding all of us with no job or only a part time job.

On Monday I’m supposed to visit a school an hour drive away. The job that I’m interviewing for is only for 4 hours a day and I’m supposed to work between 2-6 pm. I can’t do that since I have to pick up my children before 6:30 at the latest and I can’t just take my kids and move to a new city for a job that will only last for 4 months! I can never get a new apartment or childcare in time for that job to start but if I don’t take it I’ll loose my unemployment cheque and I would have no income to live on.

I don’t sleep. I don’t eat and every night I start crying. I don’t know for how long I can go on without falling apart.

I do not like this - at all!

Yesterday the weather was great and I spent 2½ hours walking on different paths in the woods close to where I live and it was magical.

This morning I woke up with a cold, headache and I just knew there was no way I was ever going to be able to go to church so the kids and I stayed at home. When my husband woke up we just had to go grocery shopping if we wanted to survive this weekend. When we finally got home I was so tired I actually felt sick.

I grabbed a book and brought it with me to the livingroom and sat down to read while also drinking tons of fluid. Now it's close to midnight and all of the painkillers I've been taking today is going to keep me up all night.. which means that I'm going to be just as tired tomorrow as I am today.

and I'm 31

A year ago I went through the worst crisis ever! I had a hard time accepting that I was going to turn 30 but today I turn 31 and I'm fine with it now. :D

Say happy birthday! :-)

scared

Yesterday I thought that my leg felt "weird" and by the evening it started to ache.

A few years ago I had a blod clot in my right calf and this weird sensation I'm experince is placed in the same place as that time. My health centre was closed so at 9:45 pm I had to go to the next town to a hospital there and to that health centre. I spent an hour in a room and this doctor probed my leg and she decided to send me to out closest city and to the ER.I got there around midnight and yet again I had a doctor that examined my leg, had my second EKG, more blood tests and examinations.

This doctor also thought that I might have a new blood clot but maybe not as big as the first one which also travelled to both of my lungs and I almost died that time. They wanted to give me an injection but I asked to do it myself and they let me do that.. I've taken these injections for months both after my first blood clot and also when I was pregnant with Emma..But instead of keeping me at the hospital so that I could have more tests done today they sent me home at 2 am in a cab and it's a 60 kilometer drive home!

Thankfully you only pay about 5 US dollars if a hospital sends for a cab like this because otherwise we would have payed over 75 dollars for that trip... We've kept Emma home from daycare today since I don't know when I'm supposed to go back to the hospital but Erik is at school but thankfully I got in touch with his best friend's mom and she is going to pick him up today and he can stay with them until I get back home - whenever that will be...

What did you do that day..

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was driving home with my 10 month old son in the car when I heard about something that had happend in New York but I couldn't make any sense to what they where saying. It took me a long time to realize what they where talking about and as soon as I got home I sat down in front of the TV with my husband and a friend of ours and I was chocked. I couldn't take my eyes off the TV but after 5-6 hours I had to tell my husband to turn it off because I couldn't deal with the news and I needed time to think, to clear my head.

The world came to a halt and it was like time stood still. I cried for all the husbands and wives that had lost someone they loved, for the children for loosing a parent, for all the mothers & fathers & friends & families who would never see the ones they love again.

This was the day when the world lost it's innocence because it wasn't 'only' something that had happend to USA because the world was affected by this and it will never be the same for any of us again.