Pay It Forward

I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don't know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.


De tre första som lämnar en kommentar till detta inlägg kommer att få ett paket med någonting som jag har gjort och som det står i texten ovan: Kanske inte imorgon eller om en vecka, men du kommer att få ett litet paket inom 365 dagar, det lovar jag och allt du behöver göra är att skicka vidare genom att lova samma sak på din blogg samt såklart lämna en kommentar här!

Longing for Christmas

A couple of months ago we decided to transform the junkroom in our basement into a bedroom for our son and in the process of moving everything from one room to the other all of my christmas decorations got lost and I can't find them. I've had these love/hate feelings when it comes to this particular holiday but this year I wanted to decorate the house and get a tree - only to discover that I couldn't even find anything to decorate with but I managed to buy a few things and the house is now decorated - not in a traditional swedish christmas decorated theme but my own version of a cozy christmas.

And as of today I'm unemployed again. The strange thing is even though I had a hard time saying goodbye to the kids I feel I need to take some time off to get back on track once more. There is a reason for why no new entries have been made but I can't talk about them since there is an investigation going on concerning things that has happend at my job. All I can say is that I am not involved myself. Well I kind of am but only as a witness and the fact that I had to write a statement about a cople of things.

I can't say that I'm looking forward going through the process of getting a new job again but I try to tell myself that there is a meaning to why things happen. Like this thing at work - there was a reason to why I got this job and not any of the other 3 that I could have gotten 3-4 months ago and there is someone/a workplace out there who needs me and fate will lead me to that special place.

What holiday am I?

You Are Valentine's Day

You are a true romantic who places the ultimate importance on love. You are warm hearted, and you find it easy to care for people. Love is what drives you - and you have a love to give. You enjoy making someone's day. You're full of surprises. What makes you celebrate: Being with the person you love on a special day At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The sentimental one On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: See it as romantic and special

What Holiday Are You?

Snow wonder

Even before I opened my eyes this morning I knew that there was something special about this day and I was right. As I pulled the curtains aside I just stood there in awe and saw the snowflakes slowly falling to the ground. I just love the snow! I’m like a child on Christmas Eve. The drive to work was a bore since there is something about the snow that makes a lot of people really nervous about driving. I can’t really understand why when we live in a part of the world where the ground is covered with this beautiful white blanket for up to five months a year.


All of a sudden I was 12 again, waiting for my friends to come over so we could start digging in the snow, making fortresses, throwing snow-balls at each other and all I could think of was that I wanted to go outside to make snow-angels but I had to go to work.



In 7 hours we got almost 5 centimeters of snow and by the time I got to go home the road had started to close up. This far up in the northern hemisphere it get’s dark really soon in the winter and today was no exception. I got home around 5 pm and by then it was almost pitch black outside but it didn’t stop me and my children to get dressed and run outside. As usual my snow-hating husband refused to come with us but my children and I had a great time!

What color crayon am I?

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors.While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around.Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease.You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows! Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you. http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorcrayonareyouquiz/ What Color Crayon Are You?

A sleeping child.

A couple of days ago I was standing by the window at my job looking out over the sleeping children outside and it dawned on me what a confidence their parents have in us that are taking care of their children every day. I along with two more teachers have been given the trust to take care of these children whom they love dearly and they are depending on us to help them as parents to prepare this child for life, to nurture, to teach and also to love their child.

Everyday at work I get so many hugs and I give them as well. To have a child that is not your own come up to you only to give you a hug because they like you is a truly awesome experience.

There are not that many things in life that are this rewarding and I go to work everyday with a smile on my face because I know that I will get to meet 17 wonderful children and I get to spend a few hours every week with them and it is so gratifying.

taking all the credit

Let’s see if I can explain all of this so that it makes sense and at the same time I have to keep in mind that I signed documents about confidentiality when it comes to my job.

We’ve all met children of all ages that have had a rough time and as I’m working with children I am told what is going on in these children’s lives. There is this child and something happened when we were all around (at work). One of my co-workers has been telling everyone that this child only connects with her and she’s the only one this child will accept and that the rest of us will have a hard time dealing with this child when she’s not around.

I’ve never found that to be true and yesterday morning my feelings where confirmed. As this child came to the preschool yesterday morning along with a woman that usually drives this child to us in the morning. She said that she was glad that it was me that was there because she had noticed that this child stayed calm, was well-adjusted and that the child was in control of itself when I was there. Another mother has frequently told us that her child has had a lot of issues but that her child has calmed down recently and what do you know – the same co-worker is taking all the credit for that as well but I know that I’m the one who is the one that is working with this child more than anyone else at work and I know that it’s not my co-worker that has achieved this.

At work I don’t talk about this because I’m only a temp. If I start correcting my co-worker I might not have a job to go to. All I can do is know that all of my hard work with this last child has paid off and I also now know that the first child is more adjusted that my co-worker is letting the rest of us know but it bugs me knowing that someone else is taking the credit for all the hours I have put in to help these children to become part of the whole group and to help them to calm down.

I'm still alive.

I should have written something in my blog ages ago but RL has definitely been keeping my busy. I’m still working and my days are still very stressful but I’m starting to find more and more ways of dealing with it. I actually thought I was fine with the whole situation until last Saturday when I went to see a friend of mine. She dyed my hair dark and as she was rinsing out the hair-dye a lot of hair fell off. My body is starting to show signs of being affected by all the stress.

And as for changing the color of my hair. Why is it that something so simple can make you feel like a whole new person? So I’m not blond anymore! *lol* I’ll see if I can upload a pic of the new me! :D

Oh and I have to tell you all about what happened last Friday! I had so much fun! I invited my group of girls for a surprise last Friday and we met at the chapel. We drove up to this area were they have a lot of sites around in the forest were you can light a fire and sit down for hot dogs. It was pitch black and we had to walk a couple of hundred meters without any light. As soon as we got there we started a fire and I immediately told them stories of when I met a ghost and other stories like like this that I’ve heard.

An hour after we got to this place the girls thought they heard something in the forest. They could hear the sound of branches breaking, voices whispering and at one point I thought one of them actually might pass out! There, not more than 20 meters from were we where, we could se the silhouette of someone just standing there in the middle of the path we had taken earlier!

I knew who were out there but even I was scared! Later on the guys came up to us and we had a great time together – 6 girls and 5 guys and the leaders of both groups!

This Friday I’m going to teach them origami. J

busy busy busy

About 4 weeks ago I got a call from one of the leaders in my branch – at church and he asked if I was willing to serve as the young women’s president. So yesterday at church I finally got my calling and one of the old advisors gave me her books and stuff. I finally got a hold of my friend who used to be the president and got some information about this from her as well but understandably I’m both very excited about this and scared to death. J I’ve never been a part of the young women’s so I have nothing to look back at and to draw experience from but in the end I think everything will work out just perfect.

And on top of that! At the start of this year I also started my work as my branch seminary teacher so now I have both callings and I’m a mother of two working full time. Don’t think for a second that I’m complaining. I love being busy but my only problem is that I might have a problem saying no when I feel that I can’t take it anymore but anyway… I can’t wait to get started!

Cactus of the week

You can either send in an add to give someone a virtual rose if they have done something for you or you can send in to give someone a thorn or a cactus. Something tells me that the “cactus of the week” I read in one of our add-papers was for me and my husband and frankly – I don’t care! I started to laugh at work today when I read it because this is just ridiculous!

I can’t give you all the details – maybe because I can’t remember all of them myself because this has been going on for almost 7 years now. And by giving you information about what the cactus was for I’m also revealing too much of myself and my family.

But I can pass along one thing that was written and also reply to that – there where so many things in this “cactus of the week” but one thing that we got a cactus for was that this person is sending my son money for every birthday and also sends my son’s photo and a happy birthday wish to the local newspaper to print on his birthday. And the cactus was for us not thanking for the money. In my opinion giving money is NOT a substitute for giving my son love, a hug or just visiting them. And then another thing – the money and photo thing is only given to my son and not both children and that is also a huge reason to why we’re not getting down on our knees, kissing this person’s feet for every dollar that is given to our son!

My husband has made some decisions to keep his family as safe from harm as possible. He himself has done a couple of very difficult choices and there are people out there who can’t accept that because it is an inconvenience to them.

Sometimes I feel like my children are being used in some evil scheme only to satisfy one person – with the help of plenty of friends and family who are to blind to see that they are being used themselves.

Today’s rant

My husband turns 40 on October 22nd and I've been planning this dinner for him for a very long time. I only invited our closest friends, his family and also a few people from my family. So far all of our friends have contacted me telling me if they are coming or not and so have all of the relatives on my side.

There are still 6 hours to go before the end of today and today was the last day for everyone to tell me if they are coming or not - so far none of my husband's relatives - dad, stepmother, 2 sisters with husbands and kids have either e-mailed, called or stent me a text message telling me that they are coming.

So I guess that there will only be our friends and my family at this surprise dinner party on the 13th.

update: only 2 hours before midnight two more families called to tell me that they are coming. Now all I have to do is to get shopping! :)

Not again.

So this was supposed to be my day off since I had this interview to go to but on my way there I got a call from a co-worker asking me to come in to work afterwards anyway and I could tell something had happend so I told her I'd be there as soon as I could.

So this interview went well - or so I thought. I got to work and my two co-workers came running and gave me this hug and later I found out why they had to get rid of this new temp.

So I stayed and kept on working. Later in the afternoon I got a call and I was told for the third time in three weeks that I didn't get the job and if anyone ever tells me one more time that "I was the kind of person that they where looking for" "they really liked me" "I had the right attitude towards the job and the children but.." I'm going to scream!

And boy. Don't ever tell me again that "I am sure you'll get a job really soon" because I can tell you something. It would feel a lot better if they just slapped me across the face instead. I'm so sick of this.

I just fell like taking out a large tub of ice-cream and binge while crying in front of the TV.

It's killing me!

I have two big news to share but the problem is that I can't talk about them for different reasons. Anyone who knows me is very well aware of the fact that I have to talk about things that happen in my life if it's a good thing. I just want to go outside and scream from the top of my lungs!

The first of these two news happend around lunchtime when a friend of mine called. The other news also has to do with a phone call but in this case I could not even think that they would call on a Sunday.

If you happen to read this now and I haven't posted any more about this then just stick around and I promise that I'll post everything that I can in here as soon as I can.

That´s a promise.

edit: I was asked to serve as the Young Womens president at my branch. :)

Farscape vid - my immortal

I absolutely love SciFi! Now Farscpe was cancelled a couple of years ago, a few months ago we learned that Stargate SG-1 was cancelled. The only thing that keeps me going is Stargate Atlantis and a few fanvids like this one. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this particular fanvid and cried....

Big brother is watching.

It is interesting to see that people think they can write anything online and that they don't understand that everything they do may have consequences. Just take this woman that we called in last week to fill in where I work at the moment. At one point she and I started talking about the Internet and forums for parents and such. She suddenly mentions this particular forum that I am also a member at so I thought that I should just see if I can find her on that forum. It took me about a minute or two to find her. Now here’s the problem.

In posts in the forum I can find different statements about her child’s preschool. It’s not the one I work at but I know people who work there and this young woman is quite verbal and in some posts she is really annoyed with her child’s teachers, and when I started to read her own presentation amongst other things she states that she has been arrested. Now I know that she has never been convicted of anything because if you are going to work in childcare or at a school in this country you have to produce a document from the police saying that you are not convicted of a fellony and she had this document. But just reading that she has been arrested and the fact that she does speak a lot about co-workers of mine and on top of it all: she uses her own name and her child’s name in her presentation so anyone who knows her or has any idea of where she lives can easily find out which person she is talking about.

And then another thing – the facebook hype has hit this country too! I found a long lost friend in there. It turned out that he had registered only a week before me and then as soon as I became a member I started looking up old friends and I found this guy! I’ve been looking for him for a while but now he’s found. :D The other thing is that I’m not to crazy about finding out things about people only because I happen to take a quick glance at their presentation. Just today I found out that my father has apparently broken up with his girlfriend. I don’t expect him to give me a call or anything but just send me a message so I don’t say something I shouldn’t the next time I talk to him.

That’s all from me today.

Goodnight

Third Time's the Charm?

I’m getting really sick of this! One rejection after another! So this time they actually sent me an e-mail instead of calling me telling me that I didn’t get the job. That was the second job interview in a short period of time. They say third time’s the charm but I don’t know.

All I know right now is that I have a job to go to this week and the next two weeks but after that I have no idea of what I'll be doing. I don’t want to go back to work as an "emergency temp" again when I get a phone call in the morning and I can end up working anywhere that day and then I just have to go home and wait for the next phone call.

I feel so confused.

It may turn out to that I don’t even have a problem but let’s just play the devil’s advocate for a moment. I wrote about a job interview a few days ago. At the moment I’m filling in for someone at a daycare-center and here is my problem.

What if I get this job that I’ve applied for? And what if this daycare-center asks me to stay a while longer?

The first job is at an office. Full time, permanent basis. There will be no scheduling-problems between that job and my children’s daycare and it sounds really interesting! On the other hand – I do have a degree in teaching and that is what I want to do but not at a daycare-center but if I manage to fill in for 2 years I will automatically have a permanent job as a teacher somewhere.

Right now I feel desperate enough to take any job that is offered to me.

Lit up like a Christmas-tree

If there is something that is causing a lot of stress in my life then it definitely is being without a job. Every day I search the Internet to see if there might be a new job out there for me to apply to but they are scares – to say the least.

So today when I got back inside from being out with the children all day at work I saw that all of the icons on my phone had lit up like a Christmas tree: there was a message from my husband, 2 missed calls and one message on my answering-service.

To make a very long story a lot shorter I could just sum up the whole thing with one sentence: I’ve got another job-interview tomorrow morning and this time if I get the job I might be able to practice my English on an everyday basis! This girl could not be happier!

I felt popular today.

My phone rang a few minutes to eight this morning and a school needed me to fill in for a teacher so I took the job and left my house. Within the hour I had received yet another phone call but from the same place that I worked at last week but unfortunately I couldn’t work today but agreed to work there the rest of the week. Before I left today’s job two more schools had called and asked me to fill in for different teachers.

Something that really bugs me though is the fact that it seems to be impossible to get a job in my county if you live here because all of the teachers hired in the past 2 years have been from another city. Maybe I’ll just have to move there and then move back once I finally get a job here? I do get to work a lot but not here - I have to travel 20 minutes to a nearby city and I seem to be in demand over there.

I can’t say that I like my situation as it is. I like to know what’s going to happen the next day but now all I do is to sit at home and wait for the phone to call to see if I can get a days work somewhere. I’ve got a degree in teaching, I’ve done my 3½ years of college but it seems to be impossible to get a job that lasts for more than a day or two.

Strange

It's strange how things work out sometimes.

I went to this jobinterview last Monday and on Tuesday they called to say I didn't get the job. I have to admit that there was something about this job that made me think twice about it but at the same time I was sad that I didn't get a full-time job.

Then Wednesday morning the phone rang. The same person who was interviewing me along with two others called and asked if I wanted to work at another place for three days and I was more than happy to.

Yesterday only a few hours before my last shift was over they asked if they could call me again if they needed help and of course they can and another thing. I now know more about that job I applied for and now I'm really happy that I didn't get that job. I'm not going to say anything other than that but belive me when I say that for the first time I'm relieved that I didn't get a job.

A gentle breeze

The only sound she could hear was the sound of water softly rolling in on the beach as the sun set over the cove. A gentle breeze flowed through her hair and she could hear his footsteps as he walked towards her. She could sense his presence where he stopped behind her. His fingers touched her shoulder only to brush her hair aside so he could place a soft, tender kiss on her shoulder. She started to shiver as he slowly kissed the side of her neck. He turned her head and she saw the love in his eyes.

~drabble by Seven~

Slow dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like anunopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

~author unknown~

I do not like this - at all!

Yesterday the weather was great and I spent 2½ hours walking on different paths in the woods close to where I live and it was magical.

This morning I woke up with a cold, headache and I just knew there was no way I was ever going to be able to go to church so the kids and I stayed at home. When my husband woke up we just had to go grocery shopping if we wanted to survive this weekend. When we finally got home I was so tired I actually felt sick.

I grabbed a book and brought it with me to the livingroom and sat down to read while also drinking tons of fluid. Now it's close to midnight and all of the painkillers I've been taking today is going to keep me up all night.. which means that I'm going to be just as tired tomorrow as I am today.

That bitch!

Last night I found out that someone we knew lured my son and his friend to her apartment for some ice-cream! He has no idea of who she is and hubby wants to have nothing to do with her since she turned our lives into a living hell for so many years and now she takes advatage of the fact that Erik has a friend that he loves to play with only a few hundred

meters from her and this is the first time she got them to follow her home - the last time she tried something like this Erik came home crying and he was so scared!

Erik's room!

Unfortunally I can't show you the short vid I made of his room since I use his real name in the vid I made and not the name I'm using on this site but the room has transformed from a junk-room into a great room for a 6-year old!

There were a few people who didn't think that Erik would ever sleep alone downstairs in the basement but he absolutely did and he loves his room.

- And so does his mother! There is finally peace and quiet in the house. Erik can take his friends and go downstairs to his room leaving his little sister upstairs. Now she can't bother them and make a lot of fuss when Erik and his friends are not willing to let her join in the fun!

And I'm back.

I just packed things that the kids and I would need for 4 days and got in my car and drove down to my dad's house by the sea and I was so confused. During that time our friend spoke with my husband and he said that he didn't know if he even wanted to work things out and stay together anymore.

I got back home this past Tuesday and that same evening our friend and I drove over to our house and we talked for a couple of hours. I can't say that things improved much but there where things I got to say and demand for all of this to work and one thing was that I was going to be able to have one day a week all to myself - no questions asked! And I got it! Over these two days things have improved a little but there is still a long way to go but at least there is hope...

update

I've tried talking to my husband about this but he just doesn't get it.

And the more I go on about it the more he thinks I annoy him. I left the house early Tuesday afternoon and he is still not talking to me unless I force him to say something but then he only answer in as few words as possible.

My friend is coming home tomorrow evening hopefully and I'll get to see them at church on Sunday. And I do hope they can help me with this.




But it's not all bad. I have to tell you about my day and. I took the kids to a playground this morning and we stayed for a few hours. After that we went home and had lunch - Erik made it for us. Not long after that we left for the beach and it's not really the kind of weather where you would like to go swimming but I figured that the kids would like to play with the sand and the water anyway. Before we went home we went for a walk at a "stone-troll-path" (translated directly from swedish to english), got lost but managed to find our way back home. There where tons and tons of blueberries out in the forrest and the kids looked like smurfs when we got back home.

The kids and I have had a fantastic day today and tomorrow we are leaving for a place that the kids have never been to but one that I loved as a child and there are wonderful playgrounds here and animals to pet and it's all in canyon where you can climb up and down the walls of it. I hope the weather will be as nice tomorrow as it has been today.. And of course I will post pics of that as well.

Couldn't take it anymore

This is not going to be easy for me to write about but this past Tuesday I suffered a complete breakdown and I left my kids and my family for 2 days not telling them where I went. I just had to get out of the house to breath. I did call my mother-in-law before making that desicion to ask if they could look after the kids for a few days and they had no problem with doing just that.

But here goes:
Emma has really huge temper tantrums and she is still acting the same way. Erik has also begun to test me a lot lately and while my husband can go to work, to to the gym, go out with friends to party or to go to the movies with his sister I stay at home with the kids with no time at all to be alone or to do something I want to do. For a couple of weeks now I've begun to feel really stressed out and this is getting to me.

And so this past Tuesday I started crying and I raised my voice. My husband came running screaming from the bedroom and yelled at me for doing this. I started hyperventilating and at one point I thougt that I was going to pass out. Somehow I got hold of my car keys, my wallet, my cellphone and a bottle of water and I took the car, drove to a parkinglot and I sat there and cried and my whole body was shaking. I finally managed to call a friend and I talked with her for 30 minutes.

Then I called my mother-in-law to ask if they could look after the children for a few days, went over to their house and dropped a few things off and drove away not knowing where. After about an hour I figured I could go to my grandparents grave so I went there and sat on a bench overlooking a lake for 2 hours. After that I went to see a house I used to live in and I also went to an old settlement that was used a century ago in the summer for cattle and live-stock. At around 9:30 I got back home, went to sleep and as soon as I woke up I left again but this time I went over to a friend's house and spent the day and night there. I got back home this morning at 9.

During all of this time my husband never called to ask me where I was or how I was doing. According to my mother-in-law he was really angry with me because of my behaviour. Early this afternoon I went to pick the kids up and got home this evening and still he isn't talking to me but at least I feel rested and being away from my family for 2 days has restored a lot of energy in me and I feel so much more at peace with myself. In a few days a friend is going to stop by to try to talk some sense into him and this friend is probably the only person who is capable of doing just that and I just have to have faith that he is going to be able to help us.

For a long period of time I've felt like I've been stuck in a prison with no way of getting out of it and I desperatly needed a few hours to myself and now I'm calm and relaxed. And I now know that my husband will never change. He will never make an effort to take care of his children a few more hours now and then in order for me to get a chance to relax and unwind.

The summer is here!

Tell me about it!

It's so frellin' hot that you can hardly walk outside the house! It's just insane!!!

And here we are - working on a third bedroom so that Erik can have a bedroom of his own. :D

The last day

Today was the last day I worked at this place. What I'm going to miss are the children and also knowing that I have a job to go to in the morning.

My kids and I are going to have the whole summer to ourselves.

About this job

I've come to learn realize that I do enjoy working with children of this age. I tried it when I was younger but I hated every minute of the two weeks I had to go to that job but it could also have something to do with the fact that my co-workers made it very clear that they didn't want me there.

That can make a huge impact on a 21-year old.

One more month

I'm getting closer and closer to the end of this job and I have no idea if they are going to let me stay or not. In all honesty I don't think I would want to stay.

Only a few days before my birthday we were supposed to have this meeting and it turned out that my boss and a co-worker sat there critiqued me for a couple of hours. Some of it I can honestly say where legit but they wouldn't even let me defend myself when it came to the things I felt was wrong and things that were taken out of proportion...

That Friday I went home and I cried for 2½ days straight.

Not the first time

It's not the first time he's like this. My husband always behave like this if things doesn't turn out the way he expected them to.

He expects everyone to know exactly what it is he wants without having to say it out loud. We've been to a counsellor to try to get him to explain to us all why he thinks it's okay to walk away from his responsibilities.

He is a person who only thinks about himself. We usually visit his dad every two weeks and from the time he wakes up in the morning until the time when I think we have to leave he is either at his computer or watching TV.. when I then tell him to get ready he tells me that he's going to the gym before we can leave.

It then takes an hour or so for him to even leave the house and the workout takes about 2 hours.. we usually leave the house around 4 pm and it's a 30 minute drive to his dad.He never helps out with everything that needs to be done in the house: cooking, dishes, laundry, take care of the children. Somehow he thinks that's my responsibility and if I tell him to actually help out a little he then starts acting like a two-year-old again! This is something that happens on a regular basis and it's driving me insane!

A few months ago my father called to tell me that he was coming over in a few days and I immediately started to clean the house that morning he was coming over. I saw that he picked up the trash but I never saw him come back inside..

I went out in the hallway to take a look and saw that he had taken his gym-bag with him and left for the gym leaving me to take care of the house, preparing for dinner and left me in charge of both kids 2 hours before my dad was supposed to get here. I tried calling him but he didn't answer so I called a friend of his and told him what was going on so this friend went over to the gym and told him to come home.

A few minutes later I got a text message from my husband telling me that he wasn't coming home until he was done working out! I simply sent him a message back that if he did that he could just come home to sign the divorce papers!He came home 30 minutes later and he was furious! Like I said.. this happens now and then and and in between these neanderthal behaviours of his he act more his age but he still has a problem with actually having to do things for someone but himself but I actually blame his mom for that.. and that's another long story but I'll just save that one for later..

Grumpy old men.

This is about my "wonderful" husband.

I grabbed a cup at his desk a few days ago and as always it was full of coffee so I basically drenched the mouse with coffee and it's now dead! Hubby not very happy about that but he got his old mouse out and he's now using it.

That morning he went for a 1½ hour walk and later he went to the gym for more than 2 hours while I had to bake cookies and two pies and take care of the kids, lunch and get everything ready for that evening when we where going to some friends for dinner.

When my husband gets grumpy he can stay like that for days and in the process the kids will be irritated and basically we're all snapping at each other for a week or so.

When he got home from the gym he expected that I would have had everything done by then but I still had to take a shower and so did Emma and I still had to get all of Emma's things ready before we had to go but there was no way he was going to help me get ready. He simply declared that he was not going to come with us, took off his shoes and sat down by his computer and started sulking like a two year old!

I finally managed to get everything in the car and the kids where ready to go but he refused to come with us. I simply lost it and told him that Sarah and I had been trying to find a weekend to get together and if it had not been for the fact that her husband wanted to see him I would go by myself. I told him to act his age and quit that childish behavior and get his shoes on and get in the car!A few minutes later while I was getting the kids in the car he got in himself but he didn't even look at me and it was completely quiet the whole drive over to our friends.

My mother-in-law called a few days ago to ask if we where going to be at home today and they are going to be here soon. I had to clean the entire house myself because my husband is still acting like an immature child and he's sitting either by his computer or in the livingroom - sulking!

and I'm 31

A year ago I went through the worst crisis ever! I had a hard time accepting that I was going to turn 30 but today I turn 31 and I'm fine with it now. :D

Say happy birthday! :-)

What does my birth date mean?

Your Birthdate: March 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Eating disorder

I have an eating disorder called B.E.D. (Binge Eating Disorder) and it's like living with Bulimia but without throwing up after binging.

When I was 15 my (step)father died and without anyone to turn to for help and no one to talk to I turned to one thing: food, snacks, candy & ice cream. Eating these things were a pleasure and I felt good. Well.. I didnt feel that good after binging. ´

I've had these "attacks" where I tried to starve myself but I only ended up in another binging spree again. Ive gained a lot of weight over the years but I don´t blame anyone for my problem. I don´t blame my weight on my father death or on society.

In a way I'm glad I finally got a diagnosis on my problem because now I know why I behave the way I do and I know what´s wrong with me. When I go through a day when my cravings are really bad I can´t stop eating. If I don´t have anything in the house to eat I behave like a trapped lion, walking around restlessly and I´m very irritated.

I feel like an addict really when this is going on all I can think of is my next "fix".

This is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. The trick is to learn how to live with it without letting my disorder take control of my entire life. I´ve come a long way and it´s been weeks since my last "attack" and now that I´m finally free from my heelspur I can go for walks and my husband is really helping me out when it comes to staying on a diet and he´s bugging me all day to drink more water!

I have a long way to go but now I have a network of people around me who is there for me when I need someone to talk to and my husband is there for me to help me the days when I feel low and hopefully I will finally be free from this one day?

Fast

It’s strange how things just work out. I’ve never really wanted to work at a daycare center but I applied for jobs like that anyway and I got a call back for an interview. I got there and I met the teachers working at this place and I stayed there for 1½ hours and I felt really good about it.

I have this thing about waiting for that phone call telling me if I got the job or not but it came and I got the job! It’s only until the end of May but it’s a job!!! And I start on Monday! :D

My son

A lot has happend.

Last Saturday my son Erik started crying and it took a while to get him to tell us what was wrong - he had a headache. I thought it was strange that a 6-year old would have a headache like this so we called our hospital and talked to this nurse but she didn't think that he needed to see a doctor. Yesterday he woke up with an even worse headache and he spent most of yesterday in his room sleeping and once again we called someone but no.. no need to see a doctor and I was feeling very frustrated!

This morning when he woke up he felt fine so I sent him to school and I went to and interview for a job but when I was done my husband called to tell me that Erik was now at home with him - with a headache again. We couldn't turn on the lights because that made it worse and as soon as we even tried to talk to him in a normal voice he started crying because his head was hurting really bad and this time I wouldn't back down and we finally got an appointment to see a nurse. It took more than 2 hours for 3 different people to take a look at him and also there where a lot of tests done until we finally got to go home. At one point they thought it could be meningitis but thankfully they couldn't find any more of the symptoms for that but Erik is now on penicillin but no one still knows why he is having these headaches.

A new year

and another new years resolution.. I wonder for how long I will be able to keep this one..

But anyway.. I told myself that it was time to start exercising and to eat right and to loose some weight.. I’m not comfortable enough at the moment to tell you my weight but I have lost 1.5 kilo since the first day of this year and I’ve been doing a lot of exercise!

What would life be without gorgeous men to look at while exercising? Since I have two small children there is no way that I’ll be able to go to the gym so I bought an Orbitrek for myself this past Christmas and I enjoy watching Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis and Farscape while sweating like you wouldn’t believe.. *S*