Me and the girls at the playground

Let me show you my summer house.

I won

this first part of this trial and the court decided that my kids are going to stay living with me during this custody battle!

It's a huge win for me!

Updating

I can't belive what has happend lately.

My ex got our daughter's daycare and our son's school to call the authorities to claim that the kids are at risk by living with me. For some strange reason they believed him and told him to seek custody of the children and that custody fight started yesterday.

Tomorrow we will know where the children are going to live during this time and I hope and pray that they will stay here with me.

I'm so exhausted but I can't give up. Giving up is not an option.

I don't want to loose my children.

Tired

I haven't been this tired for a very long time but it's a good kind of tired. :)

I started my new job yesterday and it's been so much fun going back to work with these small children and I truly love my job. This is what I was meant to do, I can feel it all trough my soul. This and being a mother which is the most important job there is - being a parent and raising a child.

I'm not saying that everyone has to have children but if you do - then this is definitly your most important job. It doesn't care if you gave birth to this child or if it came to be a part of your family in some other way, this is your child.

If I could I would love to adopt or to give a home to a child in need since I can't have any more children of my own. That in itself doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have more children living in my home. :)

I'm so sorry!

I know I haven't updated my blog in ages.

I can't say that things are looking up. At one point I was in such a bad state that I couldn't stop shaking. That on top of the fact that the ex tried to take our daughter out from my home by force causing both of my arms being covered with bruises. After that my life was a nightmare. I was afraid to go outside, where ever I was I was always in reach of my phone in case something happend. It was awful.

I'm now on medication due to my depression and anxiaty and finally there are good days in my life too. Doing my best to build up a new life, there are good days and there are bad days. I have accepted that this will take time and I've surrendered myself to letting it do that. For once I'm going to do my best to take small steps and not to rush into getting better.

Regarding my children.

I'm not sure that I will even be able to put down in writing how I'm feeling right now.

I've had my concerns regarding my daughter and today I called my mother-in-law and she told me that my daughter is throwing up a lot and sufferes from stomache aches a lot. I've come to notice this too and she also told me of a lot of other things she had seen and that along with everything that my soon to be ex-husband did to me over the past 9 years made me contact the authorities dealing with children and I've now made a formal complaint regarding the father of my children. I was shaking and crying through out the entire conversation but hopefully he'll get some help to deal with his issues and I can possibly get someone to help my daughter.

This past Friday I also found out that he's seing someone new and today I found out that he's been seeing her for more than 3 weeks now. I'm glad to be rid of him so why does it hurt to find out that he has someone new in his life? I would never ever take him back! But still it hurt.

Signing on..

We moved to our new apartment a week ago today and I'm surprised myself that I've been able to deal with all of this as well as I have lately. My children are doing fine most of the time. Emma does tend to scream a lot more and she's testing me to the extreme at times and Eric is more sensitive than her and he cries more easily.

The thing I was the most worried about was not knowing if I was going to be able to cope with two small children on my own but I felt just as lonely while I was still living with their father. In some way I guess I feel a little happier now. Maybe not happier but more at peace...