Apartment sorted.

I got a call this past Friday about the apartment and it’s mine. It felt like a huge load had been lifted from my shoulders and we’re now moving in about 2-3 weeks. My dad called and offered me his kitchen table, couch and two chairs along with his desk, my mom had been looking for an excuse to buy a new TV so I’m getting her old TV and she is also going to buy something to place it on. A friend has a couple of beds that he needs to get rid of and I’m getting one for myself – everything is more or less taken care of.

But like I wrote to a friend of mine today, all this stress has started to affect my short term memory. I can make plans with someone and then forget what we talked about only an hour or so later. A few days ago I was driving down the freeway like I have done so many times and I missed my exit. I had to keep on driving for more than 30 kilometers before I could find somewhere to get off and to turn back. On top of that I was running out of gas and I didn’t even know if I was going to make it to the next gas station. Luckily I did and we got home safe and sound but an hour later than we were supposed to.

I’ve had the best help I can get from friends and family but I still feel so alone and vulnerable. I don’t know when I’ve slept for more than a few hours at the time at night. The other night I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I worry about my children and how am I going to be able to take care of them as a single parent. Anyone who knows my daughter can vouch for me when I say that I have a wonderful daughter but she does have a temper like nothing you’ve ever seen before. My son is more delicate. He’s emotional and he is beginning to withdraw himself from everyone. Emma on the other hand couldn’t care less of what is going on but she’s not even 4 so she doesn’t understand but Eric is 7 and he does understand a lot more.
Last night both of my children fell asleep on the couch so we all slept there that night. My back was sore when I woke up but my children really needed to be close to a parent that night so I decided not to take them back to their beds as soon as they had fallen asleep next to me.